Reflections

This morning, as I gaze out upon the foggy LA skyline, I am thoughtful. I am working, ungratefule though I may be about it. Yet, (wink wink, is that right?) I have to say the fog and rain this morning cheered me in a way that only I seem to understand. However, overall, I am wistful for my lovely bed, and my books and a tall cup of hot chocolate. While I know I could never sit in bed all day reading, I still want to. When I work, I dislike it. When I don't work, I am just bored. What's to be done with me??

Adding to my gloominess was a sad realization. This will be my last and final Christmas off. I'm not sure I am ready for that. From here on in, I'll be working on or around Christmas, especially as the new nurse. Will I be able to get home to celebrate with my nieces and nephews?? What will they think of us being gone? What about my own kids? I want to start traditions with them, but its a little more difficult when it happens on different days all the time. I'm kinda scared. It makes me dislike my job. But it has to be done, I guess. I know I shouldn't worry about it, but its difficult not to.

on happier notes, Michelle and I have a delightful evening, soaking in the ritzy Hyatt hotel spas. While we couldn't see the ocean, I guess I still had fun (tee hee, Michelle). It was refreshing to laugh again with my old friends. Isn't it great that we can think of each other as old friend now?? Anyways, i know both Michelle and I had our appetites whetted for this coming Thanksgiving. And boy howdy, will we be giving thanks!

Hope I didn't make you guys sad. Like I said, it was a day for reflections.

Hannah

ps Matt got his new truck. = )

MICHELLE'S HERE!

and I got to give her a B-I-G hug!! I know this sounds funny, but I've never been so excited to see her....you guys know what i mean, rihgt?? absence totatly makes the heart grow fonder!

Penguins...gotta love 'em.

I know this blog is for updating... more on that in a minute. First, you HAVE to look at this picture on the right. It is the funniest thing I've seen in ages. Keep watching it; it gets funnier and funnier each time.

Okay...I don't know if I'll even be able to focus here. Hee hee.

Umm...well, my life. It's been good lately. This week I spent two evenings with two different high school girls--it was so nice to be out of my house in the evening. And I hung out with Brandie this week too. Tonight there was a HS staff meeting. Fun times.

There really is nothing new for me to tell ya'll. I'm still feeling the same way about everything, I think. Still a bit lonely, though this week was better. I'm eager to make friends, but don't know where or how to start while unable to invite people over (I'm so embarassed of my house :( and don't want to get in my parents' way). School is so-so. I started looking into a PhD program at UCDavis...it looks like a lot of work, but it looks fun, too. I miss Torrey!

I just finished that last Harry Potter book. I really want to write, but I don't even bother to take the time to do it. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Anyway...same ol' same ol' here.

Val and Michelle...did you guys coordinate posting or something? Hadn't heard from either of you in ages, and then both in the same day!

Michelle, you'll do well on the midterm. Don't even trip. But do enjoy your trip! :)

Val, I'm glad things seem to be looking up, even if they are a bit intense.

Hannah, what happened with the Red Cross dealio? I have an evacuee (sp?) in one of my classes. He just added on Friday.

Anyway, I'm pretty tired and out of it, I think. I just wanted to post that penguin thing for you all to enjoy, even though I don't have all that much to say to you. Oh, I watch last last week's Alias. So sad about Vaughn. *sigh* But I haven't seen House--is it not on or am I just missing it?

Anyway. Enjoy the penguins.
-D

hi fokes

I never understood the need for an "L" in folks. Right now I'm at work, about 5 seconds away from getting a flu shot.

Okay, its over now. I REALLY hope that i don't get sick tomorrow. sometimes people do. but I don't wanna get the flu from one of my patients in the hospital, and i really can't afford to get it and be missing clinical.

speaking of, i am almost finished at the first hospital (nearly half way done!!). i am looking forward to it. like danielle, i feel like i've hit rock bottom too. i've had two really bad days at clinicals-- i can't seem to get my IV's to go in, having troubling keeping up with charting and just feeling on top of things. its hard to explain, but there is a definitie sense of being either caught up and a step ahead or you feel like you are constantly drowning and always playing catch up. i have been stuck in those last categories for a while now. i know its only two days really, but its all i've got to work with right now. this is like my only chance to "get it" while i still have a safety net. i dno't want to be making mistakes and this is human lives!! i can't afford mistakes!

so, i'm whining too. Matt's been really encouraging, but its more a mental thing. at least i finally got my period, a day late(!) so THAT stress is off my shoulders. you guys can't even imagine how much i LOVE getting my period now! = )

i don't feel like trying to explain everything in life. things in general are good. Matt's job needs some adjustment right now...he's really frustrated with some things going on there. if you think of us, pray for him at work, that he and Pete can come up with a compromise. Matt is getting very overworked right now.

Thanksgiving I can hardly wait for!!! sorry i didn't get the car message danielle. you should have called me. i don't really know my schedule that far in advance. i don't think i'll have class, but i might have clinicals one or two of those days. i will really try and get them done before or after our little vaca. until then, i won't be able to let you know if i can drive you around or not. i'd feel better knowning you guys weren't stuck somewhere if I couldn't be there...i will have to be seeing my husband at times too. btw, i think the Holiday Inn is about $65/night. remember, we can alwyas do easy stuff like buy bagels and cream cheese and toast them at my place or whatever. my place is your place! you guys haven't seen the "new" place either!

i guess thats all for me. i'm sorry for such long absneces, though at least i'm not like VAL!! you and michelle owe me phone calls, and i cry myself to sleep at night b/c you guys don't love me enough to call. i love everyone! see you soon!!!!!!!

Finally

Hello dear friends.
I am currently substituting for another teacher on campus; the students are watching a movie, and are actually on task--how refreshing!--so I have absolutely nothing to do. Yes, I guess that does mean that sending an update via the blog is only because I can't do anything else, all the same--here I am!

Well, as I said in the post re:Mike, I spent the weekend at a conference for youth leaders. It was, in most ways, refreshing. There were somethings that were depressing, though. I went to a whole seminar on cutters. You know, girls who cut themselves to release stress, or feel pain, or...etc. What a crazy, sad, sad thing! And I've done a lot of thinking lately about the interconnectedness of things. I grew up in a youth group, and it wsa one of the best experienecs of my life. But in hindsight, I wish that I had had more connections with people significantly older than me. I was so grateful to have my sister and the few leaders that really invested in me. But how great it would have been to be involved with the families of others. And I think about the body of Christ--we are all supposed to work together. It seems that most of America believes that we should spend our time primarily with people our own age; while that makes sense, we do miss out on so much more when older women are not teaching the younger, as Scripture directs. Anyway, my vision of the church is more like that body, with people interacting across generations, with the family as the primary unit responsible for the growth of the youth, but it feels so contrary to what my church and culture believes. Anyway...this may not make too much sense, but it's what I've been thinkin about for the past 2+ months.

On Tuesday I will be getting together with two other women to plan out a girls group thingy for the high schoolers. I'm hoping to bring up these issues there, so we'll see!

I did have a lot of fun hanging out with the folks there. I am still, as you know, lacking the number and quality of friends that I would like to have, so it was fun to get to be social for a while. :)

In other news, I'm in the pits about my job. I don't like it very much right now. (Actually, today is better than last week.) I'm annoyed at the students and tired of planning lessons. There is so much that I need to get done that it is overwhelming. I have to go through this BTSA training--a major pain in the rear end. It's like taking credential classes all over again. The idea is to get experience applying our knowledge to our jobs, but it's ridiculous.

I still haven't gotten into reading the Scripture daily. I'm finally at a point where I really do desire to, but forget when I have the time. I've been planning on using some of my prep period to read, but something always comes up. I could do it right after school, but it's hard to sit and read when I'm so sleepy at the end of the day. And I have meetings after school a few time a week, so on those days it is even harder.

I sound like a whiner here. Sorry about that guys! Life really isn't terrible, I'm just worn out across the board. My support provider showed us a diagram of the emotions of a new teacher, and new teachers hit rock bottom in October and stay there until the end of December, usually. I guess that's where I am now, so I'm sure life will get better and I'll be more content soon.

Michelle, could you ask your 'rents the cost of the Holiday Inn per night? My parents always do the Hampton Inn because it serves breakfast. I'll ask them about its cost, too, so we can decide if it's worth paying a bit more to get free breakfasts every day. I'm thinking withing two weeks we should make our reservations.

Valerie, will you be staying with us, or does your school have a room for you?

Hannah, do you have class on Monday and Tuesday of Thanksgiving week? How is everyone? Matt? Kashel? (sp?) Charity? Your familia?

Val, it was great to hear from you on here. Did you watch Alias? I tried to email ya'll but it came back to me from your inbox. I think you've used up all your bubbs storage space or something. How is everything? Are you still feeling poopy or are things looking up?

Michelle, thanks again for the call to talk after that post. I appreciated it lots. I can't wait to hear your voice for real--ie, not on my voice mail! Are you super stressed with all the craziness going on? How are your classes going? You should treat yourself to a massage (or cash in that coupon from your sisters from last Christmas, if you haven't yet! :) )

Love you lots ladies. Sorry for the prattling.

Hugs,
Danielle

Craziness

Hey all.
I've been going to this conference all weekend on youth ministry. It's been cool, but exhausting. I'll fill you in on my reaction afterward...now, I'm in the middle of a crisis.

Mike (same old) came up to me tonight and told me that he liked me still, and wanted to know if last time (19+ mos ago!) just didn't work, if we should try it again. This absolutely blindsided me. I had no idea that he was interested in me still. He mentioned a few months ago (I think I talked about this w Hannah on the phone?) that he was disappointed that we weren't really good friends, and tonight he said that was because he didn't have a "stopper" something to let him know that it was really over.

I told him that I did not think that it would work for he and I to date, though he is one of my favorite/most respected people.

Part of me wants to beat him up for stupidity. I mean...I had a BOYFRIEND 12 months ago. And I thought at the beginning, when Mike and I...ended whatever it was we had that I was clear that we weren't going to date ever. That it was just done.

Another part of me hurts. How sucky it must have been for him to like me for a year and a half and not know if those feelings were returned. It totally makes me cry. And then I feel bad. And then I get upset for feeling bad because, as far as I can see, I didn't do anything bad.

This is one of those times when it would be great to be living with roommates. I was thinking about calling one of you, but I don't know when you all go to bed. It's silly that I'm so upset by this.

Anyway, I'm using the blog as a vent board. Matt Anderson is probably getting a kick out of it. (Actually, probably not. What a boring life to need to spend it eavesdropping on a personal blog reading crap about my love life. Just kidding, Matt, on all of these counts, if you are in fact reading...but I wouldn't mind if you took it off your prefered list).

I love you girls. I'd love to chat sometime. Val and Michelle, you owe me a call. :)

I'm still planning on "for reals" posting sometime soon. But I have another full day tomorrow, and a busy week.

I am so STOKED about Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see three of my favorite women in the world!
-Danielle