holy frickin' cow.

Hey guys.
How are you?
Life is pretty good here. I had a fun weekend hanging out with friends (and it's so refreshing to be able to say that they are my friends, even if they aren't bosom buddies with me!). I went out to eat way too much and spent far too much money frivolously, though, so I have to reign all that in for a bit.

I think I mentioned this before, but I'm kinda still in this weird "blah" tired stage. It's strange...I'm just ready for a change, but I don't know what that means. Partly I think it comes from a yearning to really connect with another human, and partly it comes from doing so much "stuff". I know how to veg, but I don't know how to really find refreshment for my soul, and that's what I'm craving!!

Well, I told ya'll about the ex video (which is still probably the most bizarre thing I've ever seen...). So, today he emails me again and says that he would still really like to hang out, but not necessarily with the other friends he'd planned to hang with...well, here's a clip from his email.
"Honestly I would rather hang with you and there would be no strings attached. In your mind you are probably saying no because you are scared, but I do think a part of you is interested in hanging out when I am out there. Just let me know by the end of this week if possible." And then, in his PS, he goes on talking about how what I was scared about when we were dating was that he was leaving Cali, and how much he misses Cali now and may be coming back...

Scary!

So, then, an hour or so later, he emails again about the Romania letter that ya'll probably got from me today, too, saying he's going to send money. And then--the funny thing--in his ps he says I should marry a youth pastor (and not that I'm planning a marriage or anything even, but so funny how close to my silly little heart that strikes!) And then, just now, he sent another email, apologizing for his earlier emails.

Can I just say I'm so glad I'm not dating him anymore? I don't want to bash him still...but man, oh, man! I emailed back with a very clear cut response...one that I hope gives him the picture without doubt. I said

"I am a bit "scared" but I don't think in the way that you think (and not that it matters since my schedule won't allow any hanging out anyway...). I am completely one hundred percent sure that I do not and will not ever want to date you again--that has nothing to do with your location, etc. When you talk about seeing me, I am concerned that our visit would stir up feelings in you that will never be reciprocated by me.

As far as Romania goes, I don't want you to feel obligated at all to send money. Of course, it is welcome, but don't do so out of some sense of obligation or duty or...whatever."

Hmm...hope that's not too harsh. I ended by saying stuff along the lines of "Have a great trip!"

Anyway, that's my dramatic life today. Funny thing is that it's really drama-free. I just don't have many people to talk to about the little drama that does exist...so you gals get it all. Sorry! :P

Hannah...I'm glad life is a bit better. Sorry again for the communication "error" or whatever on my part and let me know about Friday! I can't wait to talk to you live!

Michelle...where are you? I haven't actually talked to you since November. That's craziness. How's life? How's your stress? How's the family? How's your dad's business going?

Val...umm... I don't know if I have anything to say to you, actually. Oh, anything with that guy you work with? Doesn't it always seem like the guys that girls don't like are the ones that pursue the girls?

Okay...well...this email feels ridiculously superficial and I didn't even respond to anyone's recent posts... lame lame lame. But it's my bedtime and I just wanted to throw something up here to keep you all updated.

I love love love you girls. So much my heart could burst! Hugs!!!!